From time immemorial, the development of human civilization has changed the perceptions, relationships, and definitions of work, behavior, sex, and marriage between men and women in society. Discriminatory social inconveniences institutionalized by state, family, and private ownership in the name of saving the family survived all ages. In the light of this fact, in the present context, from gender equality and social justice point of view, an attempt is being made to break down the past’s differences and create equality. Even before the law, the pros and cons of women were formed on the basis of individualism.
Even those who oppose the notion of advancement against the traditional norms have given priority to such issues of social transformation and have not found much discussion/debate on the existing differences and inequalities. Neither the state nor human rights activists have made a concrete program to talk about the transformation of social methods and customs that have traditionally started but have no scientific basis.
Even unofficial speakers have not been found to be trying until there is a concrete program and its continuity to bring real change. In one place, one day, when an organization was given an opportunity to express its views by inviting them with concessions or receiving national/international project, while the project was going on, there was no particular interest in policy-making and implementation except writing and speaking. Concerning such social problems, there is not much concern in the issues of social transformation or generational issues related to the development of society.
There are many instances where people have been involved in social crime, sometimes as if they were attracted by what someone said or because they have not changed their habits and behavior.
Man cannot abandon the sick thought in his belief because of the force in that habit. It is impossible to understand that change or transformation is impossible without recognizing/sacrificing the disease in one’s thinking.
When it comes to changing behavior, people continue to feel discriminated against or treated unfairly, as long as they feel weak or have been left behind.
Heck, such things are not known at all. Most of us have a laid-back attitude when painting a picture about ourselves. The law does not oblige ordinary citizens to tolerate such discriminatory behavior. Still, knowingly or unknowingly, those who do are forced to endure to strengthen their homes, protect their family’s honor, or revolt. They may even be forced to endure to defend their own existence at times. To survive in the family or the society, he may not find any other way but to endure those things.
At times, you may even feel compelled to endure for the sake of survival. To survive in the family or society, he may have no choice but to take those things. If you do not tolerate or have different views, you will be left alone in the family and relationships, you will be banned, and the person will be made worse. Those who rebel in the name of reconciliation instead of justice and equality are stopped by boycotts or unjust treatment. We have seen and heard many examples of such practices in households. We now have become the news of targeted therapy and exclusion of those who hold different views and opinions in households, political parties working in community Nepal, and party structure.
Looking at our current family structure and behavior, what is the status of single women? Is the position of identity, place, role, and identity of single women in the family structure defined by the constitution and law? Of course, the answer is no. That is to say, there is ample evidence that a single woman is dependent, protected, and can live only in kindness and care. In terms of consciousness and education, the present times have changed a little more than before.Over time, communication and technology have changed the situation. Due to globalization, state policies and laws have also changed dramatically.
There is little openness in society and family. But looking at the boundary bridge drawn by the sexual differences that developed yesterday between men and women, there is no difference in the elements. The form of discrimination has changed before and now, but the essence is still discriminatory. The philosophers of the world have formulated and interpreted theories in different ways. Still, they have not created an environment conducive to the transformation of practical human life. The changes so far have not shown a behavior change. Shortly after the end of the movement, it was found that the status quo thinking was spreading among the agitators. Even in our family structure, speaking and acting differently is customary. Because of the family’s strength and dignity, it seems to be often despised. When will this kind of behavior be removed? We have to find out the question and the answer ourselves! It seems.
Whether it is the discrimination of the parents between the son and the daughter of the same , relation or the relationship between the son-in-law and the daughter of the same blood relation, whether it is in the relationship or not, we are the ones who are giving injustice to the woman.
We have been making differences in behavior even between daughter and daughter-in-law due to blood relationships. Such behavioral differences within the blood relationship are very reprehensible and degrading. Whether it is the discrimination of the parents between the son and the daughter of the same blood relation or the relationship between the son-in-law and the daughter of the same blood relation, whether it is in the relationship or not, we are the ones who are giving injustice to the woman. We have been making differences in behavior even between daughter and daughter-in-law due to blood relationships. Such behavioral differences within the blood relationship are very reprehensible and degrading.
This is what we do most of the time to help our children get married and to have some free time. There is a need to improve the behavior between husband and wife inside the house where such practice is prevalent. When there is no improvement, family responsibilities and burdens are added/expected. This is where the behavior of the son and the family quarrel begins. Not all family members are unmarried. In such a case, a single person in the family gets hurt in work and behavior. This problem is more common in single women.
Until now, our society has considered living alone as a social crime. After living alone, it is believed that one should take care of the whole side of the house, including the parents. Unmarried daughters are not allowed to live alone. At the same time, there are plenty of situations where one has to bear the brunt of questioning about one’s character from within one’s home, family, kinship, and relationship, just like committing a heinous social crime. Such practices are anti-constitutional, anti-law, and anti-human rights activities. But, we social leaders are not able to speak. Violence against women has been rampant in society as they have not been able to open their mouths about their right to property, fundamental rights, and freedom.
It is a matter of individual freedom whether one is unmarried or divorced or a widow or a homosexual. The person’s need is not a social need, not even a social compulsion. In our society, such things force the person. Moving is against human rights. Sometimes we force people to get married. We don’t think about the changes in family structure and additional plans after marriage. We don’t plan to run a family, and we don’t. Adding a concept like a moving vehicle creates an unfriendly atmosphere. We are still learning to live by thinking like this, aren’t we?
We do not consider it necessary to comment on such fabrications. ” We do not analyze whether he has that ability or not. Without realizing it, we move towards fulfilling the expected behavior. Differences of opinion begin here, and contradictions are born. The management of contradictions should be based on problem identification, problem addressing, friendly demeanor, transparency of income sources, identification of sources, and social justice practices in the distribution system. Whether or not that is the case, family quarrels or tensions are exacerbated by the lack of heckling. After that, stress is created in the family members, and there is an increased risk of people falling into psycho-social problems, leaving home for socio-economic management, leaving, and going abroad. This condition is a social and economic ills. This condition may be due to the fact that the man or woman is single, as well as the desire to live alone. The homosexual attraction may be the reason for living alone without legal recognition.
As long as social and family dignity is defined against the belief that marriage is a necessity, desire and decision within a person’s life, then there will be discrimination against those in such a weak position in society and family. It is a significant issue for the political parties and social activists to run the country. However, these issues do not seem to be included in their discussions. Similarly, the practice of associating and subjugating the divorced and widowed husbands in the same place, value, and role has led to violence and discrimination against the singles.
The situation of the third sex, who are seeking legal rights, is even more painful. The case of the third gender seeking legal rights is even more painful.
Such family conflicts can cause frustration and problems in a couple. Especially married people accuse girls of not getting along with their families. There seems to be a big difference between the behavior of mothers-in-law when they have a son and the behavior when they don’t have a son. Due to such things, the newcomer woman is suffering due to lack of hearing and mistrust. There is still a tendency for women who have been involved in such issues to be bound to their families.
In this way, the practice of believing in the family’s happiness while doing housework fails to evaluate the qualifications and abilities of the daughter-in-law. Gradually, the self-esteem of the connected relatives gets hurt. She seeks fulfillment in the role of her first cousin’s husband. Husbands consider it a waste of time to try to avoid household chores. The family does not want to talk about losing their son. The relationship between husband and wife is increasing, and a rift is gradually being created. Through method, behavior, and harassment, the issue falls on women, and there are many divorce cases due to problems.
The husband is the first relative in the family. He will also manage. But our society has not created any responsibility for men in the management of the house, which has created many problems. Due to the complexity of such issues in raising men, women are forced to break up and become single. The practice of criminalizing and degrading women by accusing women of being the ones who have been subjected to many background insults is no less compelling for married but divorced singles.
Even now, whether a woman or a man does not marry or not is considered a problem of that person or family and is considered a crime. Not only is he considered, sometimes he is accused of character, feeding excrement on suspicion of being a thief or witch, beaten and isolated from the community, but he is also deprived of his economic and social rights. In doing so, there have been hundreds of cases in which women have been sidelined in favor of blood relations by their relatives and elected representatives. There is no mention of such crimes. On the contrary, we are stunned. Why?
Similarly, when unmarried or other single women are seen burning in the family, it is common for other members to take care of the senior citizens and avoid themselves. Does this exclusion mean that those in power in the family have done social justice? To be alone or to live alone means to deprive or betray his freedom! Why are our laws still silent on such issues?
In the modern definition, the family is defined as the family, even if it is only the person himself. Everyone has economic, social, cultural, and political ties. It is based on this relationship that a person builds a socio-economic relationship. We have not yet been able to develop and make our society believe that such rights, entitlements, and freedoms should be enjoyed? There are so many types it’s hard to say.
It is a social crime to violate the social status of an unmarried or single person. How to address the many problems that have befallen such citizens due to the inaction of the state implementing body towards the right of citizens to live with dignity and the right to the freedom provided by Part 16 and 17 of the Constitution of Nepal? It is not a social crime for a woman to be single, not to get married, to be a widow, to be third sex.
Marriage is a personal matter. Such a thing should not be made a social obligation. Only then can the bond of family ties be strengthened, and a family of tight harmony can be imagined. The prohibition on the role of family members like oneself is ideological poverty, status quo, and totalitarian thinking.
The writer is the President, Center for Women's Studies.President. She is also a Transformation mediator and psychologist. Based on Kathmandu, Nepal her areas of work are Women, Children, Senior Citizens, Disaster and Education