In my childhood, I used to think why the hell people do get married! I have been thinking about this idea. How the world would be without marriage?
Once Rajanish Osho said that this system of marriage should be abolished totally! Can it be done? I thought about it but I have not found a better answer with a better option. So, marriage is a must if you want to live in a social situation. If you want to renounce the world, then Sanyas (renunciation) is the option.
Let’s suppose, you got married to the person you love! You will enjoy the beginning for sure. No doubt about that! But slowly things can get sour and as the color of the Henna tattoo fades up, the relation can also lose its vigor.
What can be done then? How to keep your relationship sweet and workable all the time? Is there a magic wand for it? Of course, there is no shortcut.
All you need is your striving and constantly reminding that another person in the tie is more significant than you. In a relationship, you should put your partner first, and then it works. You just give and give your love, care, and support without expecting anything in return. If you can go along with this idea, then you will have a wonderful relationship. You may be thinking, it’s impossible to do such a thing. Have you tried it? Let’s give it a try! It’s an amazing formula. It may be hard but it works for sure!
Still, the above formula alone is not the complete solution. Sometimes your better-half will torment you, shout at you, and do horrible things, no matter how sweet you are to him or her!
Yes, it happens. What will you do then? Will you give up? Definitely not. There might be some way out. Your partner is nasty with you because something nasty might be happening within them too.
That is a very critical moment in any relationship. At that point, many relations fall and fail.
People simply give up because they see without any mistake they are getting the blame. Superficially, they are right. They don’t have mistakes and still getting a scolding. But deep down if you observe there is your fault too! There is something that you can still improve! So it is not easy at all to listen to all the abuses without not having much reason. But you got to let go of it. You got to breathe deeply and let it pass. Then only in a peaceful mood, another person will realize and come back to you.
You got to remember why you started the relation. Another person was so important once upon a time. You got to work on your relationship on daily basis. You got to remind yourself, this horrible person in front is your sweetheart whom you loved so much. You still love her but the ego comes in between and makes you forgetful about it. Deep down farther, still, there is a tinge of love.
So never give up on your relationship. Just make it stronger with each fight.
In the deepest of emotional upheavals and in the deepest of disagreements, your partner may not respond.
You don’t give up. You just make a hard try. By any means, you hug her even if she pushes you away. Be with her physically and emotionally even if she doesn’t respond. After some time, she will be fine. If not still, you just be with the partner. She needs you. She doesn’t show you though.
She is going through some pains inside, so she is behaving like that. Let her heal and help her heal. She needs your care, not your glare! She may act as she hates you. But deep inside, she truly loves you. You were her love of life. So hold her hand and put her in your bosom as if she was your half! With her only, you become complete.
One day child will enter into your life. Then, mood swings and disappointments on both sides will soar high. Happiness will also be there with the smile of that little magical creature. But the extra burden and hectic schedules may ruin your ownness.
In such a situation, you got to throw yourself into the activities totally without thinking. Just be totally involved in child care and wife care. Soon, they will find their rhythm and recover. When a child comes, it is a must to have loving relations at least for the better future of the child.
Do not think, there is another better person waiting for you. It’s just a mirage. There is no ideal person or soul mate for you. If you put your heart and everything into your partner, then she will turn wonderful. That’s it! So, don’t fool yourself in the search for the right person. If you will be right, the other half will also be fine.
There is a beautiful story in yogic lore where a Guru blesses his disciple during his marriage ceremony and says, “May you have beautiful eleven children with your wife and May you become the twelfth.” This kind of philosophy may sound too much idealistic and utopian for modern minds. But if we look at the undercurrent, there we find so much wisdom in that.
A wife is not only for physical relations. The need for physical relations should recede with time. We got to mature with time and transcend the physical phenomena to enter the realm of the soul.
A wife can disentangle you, wake you up from your slumber, and can help you to break your limitations. What is needed is the change of perception towards her. If you look at the reality sharply, your partner is none other than God or Goddess who is walking with you for making you better, to work out with your Karma, and deliver you to your inner light! It’s just that change of perception that you require to feel and act accordingly. She may not be aware of her godliness but you be. That is enough for your growth.
You got to remember that your partner is not your target. He/she is your fellow traveler in the journey of life. You can move together and reach destiny together too. You may be ahead of her or she may be ahead of you. We got to respect that and be with each other so long as time permits. If you make another one your target, you two will only bang your head against each other. So be true with yourself and with them, never make false promises. The truth may hurt at first but it makes the stable base for long-term relations.
Finally, don’t think that another person is impossible to deal with. Just remember, how wonderful they were when they were happy. How many amazing moments you spent together! Happiness and unhappiness make the difference in behavior.
I know it’s not easy as I say. Sometimes your heart bleeds. There seems like there is no way out. You cry and cry hard. Still, you do not be nasty and goofy with the partner. Deal with her/his nastiness with compassion and care. It’s difficult but there’s no other way!
Seeing practically, whenever you two fight, it’s not you versus her or vice versa. Think this way: It’s you two versus the problem. It’s you two against the Ego. So cut the ego, not the relation!
You may be thinking, parting away is the solution. But while parting, you might erase only your half, and the rest of the half you will live with afterward. And the same cycle might this rowdy half bring to the lives of two again! So the superior is to fix the first half with your partner to make the rest half jointly the best and complete halves.
The writer is a published author of two books available in Amazon and is a spiritually inclined thinker and knowledge keeper.