One morning when the sun rays fall on a woman’s eyes, it makes her think again and again about how to run her life and home today. She starts doing chores or other work in the fields of the garden or family farm. Two sons are still sleeping. The husband is shouting for a quick tea. She is still thinking about finishing the day best, covering everything and making everyone happy before the sunsets.
She has countless questions hovering around her head without any solid answers to them.
“How to repay the loan? How do I make my children’s future?”
She talks to herself – “the government has provided free education but she has to pay Rs 1,000 per month- the cost of school lunch, school supplies, school dresses. Oh!”
“How much does it cost and how much can I spend on it? How do I combat all these?” She keeps thinking.
Her husband comes and pushes her. Who are you talking to? Can’t you listen? I said to make tea. The woman hurts her forehead a little when her husband pushes her. But she goes to work without saying anything. And her husband goes to work.
“Mother, is there blood on your forehead? What’s the matter?” The older son gets up and asks his mother. The poor son understands that father must have done this and sits with a sad face.
The boys are ready to go to school in the morning. Finding everything they need, the mother prepares the sons for school and walks them to school.
Now she is alone at home. There is some housework left. She finishes everything.
She starts thinking again. How to run a house? What her husband earns is not enough for her. I have no income. What to do? Oh god, could you show me the way? If I go somewhere to work, my husband will not entertain it. He would definitely object to the idea of me going out of the house on my own to work. I may be worse, but my thinking is good. Why do I do bad things? I have a family. I understand everything. When I think of such things, I remember that I had got a job offer to work in a restaurant. Whatever he would say, I go to work. I know that I work.
She arrives at the restaurant and starts cleaning. It is 2:00 p.m. The woman’s husband and his friends arrive for lunch at the same restaurant. Alcohol, meat, cigarettes are all ordered. In the middle of enjoying food and the company, the husband sees his wife cleaning. He beats his wife in front of everyone, blaming that she wrecked his dignity.
All the friends make fun of his wife for working in such a place. But the poor woman doesn’t even know what is happening.
“Isn’t it true that I am doing the right thing? Is it true that I degrade his status by working to support him in raising the family? Does he take responsibility for the tons of everyday affairs of running the family and raising the kids? Does drinking alcohol almost every day, forgetting his wife and kids behind the hut, upgrade his respect?
With tears in her eyes, she returns home without saying anything. She can’t say anything because she’s a woman. She is scared to separate from her husband.
“Oh, No! I can not ruin and push my sons’ future life indefinitely,” she said to herself.
She has a habit of enduring everything. In the evening, her husband arrives home drunk. He beats his wife and shouts at her. The sons keep looking at just as innocent boys. What psyche the innocent children must have had, no one cared about that.
“Mother, don’t worry, I never hurt you,” the older son says.
While going to bed at night, the husband slips and falls on his back. Now he has a chronic problem with his back. Without any single complaint and demand, he begins to serve her husband like a good lady.
“It’s all because of the sin you prevail ever,” the husband still hurtfully blames her.
“Oh God, am I really a sinner? Do I carry sins ?” When the husband falls asleep, the woman begins to think.
Tears sprang off her eyes. She can do nothing but praying to God for something better to follow with the next sunrise.
“If these days are bad now, I hope life would be easier tomorrow” this thought is only the hope he keeps after every painful moment she has to face.
Every day she is waiting for the bright sun to bring some smiles to her face too. Hope never dies. Her positive thinking is the only power keeping her alive and moving forward every day and every time.
The writer is a teacher with Shree Sarwajyoti Secondary School, Tanahu, Nepal.