I don’t know the actual meaning of love, and each person has their own definition of it.
For me, love is the feeling of security, respect, and care.
We love many people in our life. We spread love to unknowns also. But as a lady, I loved many people because loving a boy as a girl is different from other forms of love. We love others and expect love from others too. It’s normal for an ordinary person like us.
In my case, I feel that I am the unlucky lady in the world to get love from a man. I felt the word LOVE when I was 15 years old. Before that, I used to think that it was nothing. How can we be crazy for others? It’s a nonsense thing. This was what I used to opine about love.
My friend Grace used to share her love feelings for a guy from another culture. She used to be crazy for him, and that guy even didn’t know about her. I used to be mad at her, saying, “Forget the feelings for him. He’s not going to love you.”
Seeing her so miserable, I sometimes got irritated and wished not to fall in love with anyone. She would spend time describing his dressings and his pleasing way of talking with others. But they never spoke with each other.
I was getting irritated, and one day I decided to tell that guy. So, she wrote a love letter. Then I handed it to him.
He said that he didn’t have any feelings for her and thought of her as a sister.
Oh my god! I nearly fainted, but I somehow managed to control myself. I revealed the secret that she had loved him for four years.
“Please think about her and be positive,” I begged his love for Grace. But he denied it.
Then, she started living broken. After a few months, she kept moving on to her everyday life, but she still says she can’t forget him till death.
After that incident, I was busy with my studies. I was a young girl but still, behave like a kid. I used to play with my small friends more youthful than me.
One day, I was playing with them in the field of a school. One tall guy was watching us playing. Then he shouted, “Don’t you feel shy playing with these kids ?”
He was right because I was a tall and skinny girl then to look way older than my playmates. But I felt so angry with his remark.
“You are no one to tell me like this, and it’s none of your business,” I replied that stranger.
After that, we friends went closer and talked with him. He asked many things about us, and we also asked him many things. Then we left the place.
Again the next day, we met him. We talked about each other’s interests and things as we hung around there. We felt so happy talking with him. He was studying a note copy. He was a student of Management studying in class 12. Then we were about to leave that place.
“Please come tomorrow too,” that guy said to us.
“Why? We will not come,” I replied.
On the very night of the day, I felt something weird happening to me in my heart or somewhere on the inner level. When I was sleeping, he was in my dreams. He was inside my eyes, soul, mind!! I couldn’t sleep throughout the night and decided to meet him tomorrow.
I felt so happy thinking about him. He was a tall and handsome guy wearing an orange sweater and pants. He was white and thin.
I don’t know why he was so lovely to me, but I felt like I had never seen a boy like him! Maybe he was the first guy I talked to without hesitation and freely. I felt so happy and decided to meet him tomorrow.
I went to the same place with my friends. We were waiting for him till evening, but he didn’t come. We came home. I had always been there for two-three years, hoping him to show up. I felt so hurt. I was angry with myself, thinking why I didn’t say to him that I would also come to the same place the next day.
From that day on, I was ruining myself, and I was sad thinking of him. I searched him everywhere inside the school. But I never found him.
I used to hear the song ‘Kina Yesari Bina Arthale Maya Maryeu’ song of Nirwan, meaning ‘why did you forget my love without reason’ and the song ‘Aja Ma Pachatapma Jali Rahechu’ song of Divya Subba, meaning ‘I am burning in the flame of regret’.
These two songs were the tonics of my feelings. I hoped I would meet him once in my life.
I knew now how it feels when we fall in love with a stranger, even in two days. It didn’t take time to fall in love.
The main point of one-sided love is it’s only you to love a stranger and your ‘crush’ even never knows about it. I am the unlucky person I haven’t met yet in these 15-16 yrs. But still, I remember him and dream of meeting him once in my life.
The best part of my love is I found him on social media. I texted him, telling him that he was my crush. Then he called me and listened to my story. After listening to my account with him, he felt sorry and happy at the same time.
He told the next part of the story, which means his story. After we met, he went to a foreign country for studies and got married after some years.
“I am also married, and I also have my own life. But still, I say, we have our own lives, and we should be happy with what we have. I don’t have any expectations or feelings for you because it was about that teenage time. I can’t be with you because we both have families, but at least, I want to say, “You are the most handsome man in the world, and I will love you forever, Lotus!!”I wanted to express it to you, and I am happy that I shared it” I washed all specks of love-dirt rooted in me, speaking to him.
We are friends now and sometimes talk on calls.